• Do you struggle with conflict in your relationship?
• Are you unhappy but not sure why?
• Have you lost touch with your partner?
• Are drugs and alcohol affecting your relationship?
• Is financial strain causing relationship problems?
• Do you want to gain insights into your relationship and how to make it work?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above questions contact Bulimba Psychology TODAY for help with your relationship!
Intimate relationships can offer comfort, support and fun, but can also be a source of anguish, frustration and despair. It is normal for there to be periods of natural highs and lows in attraction, energy and enthusiasm. However, many problems arise from factors such as work and financial pressures, or goals and expectations being different between partners. These are some of the areas changes can be made which can boost relationship satisfaction and pave the way for new growth together.
According to the Australian Psychological Society the four most common relationship problems are;
Poor communication – The way people talk (or don’t talk) to one another can cause a lot of distress and tension. Some examples of poor communication are when one partner:
• Has a demanding or intrusive communication style and the other partner withdraws or refuses to communicate in response.
• Tries to manipulate the other with negative emotions, such as anger and sadness.
• Personally criticises his/her partner, such as calling him/her ‘lazy’, rather than explaining that it is their partner’s behaviour that they dislike.
• Fails to show concern for or understanding of the other by not physically or emotionally responding to them.
Poor problem-solving skills – Problem solving skills are vital to working out relationship difficulties, and other issues that affect relationships, ranging from simply paying bills to organising activities that involve quality time together. Some common barriers to problem solving are:
• Not identifying the cause of the problem. For example, assuming your partner’s recent disinterest means he/she is losing feelings for you, when the actual reason is work stress.
• Choosing a solution before considering all options. For example, thinking that a holiday will fix a situation, rather than looking at minor changes that could make a great improvement.
• Trying to solve the problem without your partner. Not working out solutions together may lead to blaming one another when things don’t work out.
Inadequate partner support – Both partners need to give and receive adequate support for a relationship to survive and flourish. Some common problems in this area are:
• Having unrealistic expectations and demands. Relying on your partner to meet all your support needs is likely to place too much pressure on them. Your partner is only human and makes mistakes, gets tired and has his or her own needs.
• Not effectively communicating your needs can result in arguments. For example, when one partner gets upset because the other forgot to do something that they did not realise they were meant to do.
Lack of quality time together Quality time together involves:
• Jointly planning to spend quality time together and, when doing so, focus on positive things, unless you agreed to do otherwise beforehand.
• Identifying shared interests that you can enjoy together and try to think of new ones that you can try. Also, deepen your understanding of the activities your partner enjoys most.
SEEK COUNSELLING HELP TODAY!
At Bulimba Psychology we believe that, given the right tools and skills, each partner in a relationship has their best chance at development, and for the relationship to once again be a source of satisfaction and life enhancement. This can mean a strengthened bond between partners, with a renewed sense of optimism and a greater resilience with which to meet future challenges.
No relationship stays the same; but with greater skill and understanding, many relationships become strengthened as they grow to adapt to life’s challenges. If you feel that your relationship has moved from a state of cooperation and enjoyment of each other, to a stalemate characterised by conflict or loss of desire, you may benefit from consultation with one of our counselling psychologists.
James Brown is a registered clinical psychologist, director and senior practitioner at Bulimba Psychology. James completed his undergraduate training at QUT in Brisbane and a Master of Psychology program through Swinburne University in Melbourne. James is a full member of the Australian Psychological Society and the QLD Convenor of the Child, Adolescent and Family Psychology Interest Group. James is also a facilitator of the CoupleCARE program.
Raylene Chen is a registered Clinical Psychologist and a member of the Australian Psychological Society. Raylene completed her Master of Clinical Psychology at Griffith University in Brisbane and Advanced Diploma in Relationship Counselling from Relationships Australia Queensland in Brisbane. Raylene’s special interest is working with couples and as part of her Clinical Masters, Raylene’s research thesis explored the benefits of giving your relationship a “health check” to maintain relationship satisfaction and to prevent potential problems and prevent existing issues from escalating.
BOOK OF THE MONTH!
Every month James and Raylene put their heads together to come up with an appropriate book for couples and anyone having difficulty in their marriage or relationship. This month they have selected the practical and easy-to-use guide written by Psychologist John Gottman. John has scientifically analysed the habits of married couples and come up with this tried and tested method for correcting problems. The book is called “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” and is for SALE at Bulimba Psychology for $25.
Please contact Bulimba Psychology today to purchase a copy of this book or if you have any concerns with your relationship, need more information on marriage or relationship counselling, or the CoupleCARE program. Call today on 3899 1455 or email us at info@bulimbapsychology.com.au